can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
