it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
