Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
