Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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