how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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