I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
