we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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