the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
