The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
