I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
