Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I forgot wine drunk hurts
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
