I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So squirting runs in the family.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
