kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
