then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
