neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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