what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
