Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
