At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
