i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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