he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
