Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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