Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
