I faked an abortion last night.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
