Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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