he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
