I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
home. puking in laundry basket.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
