I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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