Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
