I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
