they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
