12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
