I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
