is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
