Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
