I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
