If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
if only i could text you this smell
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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