Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
