She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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