Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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