we're blogging at a bar
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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