So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
