Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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