So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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