i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
