I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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