I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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