Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
