she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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