man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
