if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she peed on how many people?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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