it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
