Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
