I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
