i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
