his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
